What, is Obama Too Good to Work at the Airport?

A Canadian Comedy Award winner, Michael Balazo has over a decade of stand up and sketch comedy experience. TV writing credits include This Hour Has 22...

The best online comments on the stories that matter, selected and annotated by Michael A. Balazo.

Restore Our Anthem
My favourite song has always been “O Canada.” It’s got a wicked beat, a funky bass line, and its lyrics have always made me feel proud to be a son. But now, a group of prominent Canadian women including Sarah McLachlan, Margaret Atwood, and former Prime Minister Kim Campbell have gone public with the Restore Our Anthem campaign, which seeks to make the national anthem gender-neutral by changing the line “in all thy sons command” to “in all of us command.” Is this a reasonable request for inclusivity, or an attempt by a vicious girl gang to clip the Great White Balls off that proud symbol of Canadian masculinity, the Beaver? Let’s see what you had to say.

Writing in the Toronto Sun, Mr_bigstuff said:

“Margaret Atwood - What a goof”

It’s true; Margaret Atwood is one of our goofiest novelists. I mean, Handmaid’s Tale? It’s like an episode of America’s Funniest Home Videos.

Globe and Mail reader Big Bad 6 took a more rigorous approach to the problem of gender equality, saying:

“Funny, I don't see Margaret and her fellow nutbars protesting discriminatory women only gyms......or is it only a one way”

Good point. Why can’t I take a zumba class with Margaret Atwood? What is this, Nazi Germany? And where is all of this leading? According to National Post commenter Ken_rowan, the feminization of the national anthem will lead to a nightmare scenario in which men are sexually degraded for the crime of patriotism:

“The feminnazis won't be happy until we men have to use feminine hygiene products.”

If you think I’m inserting a tampon up my caboose while honouring my country? You don’t know me.

Miley Cyrus Hosts the TV Show
The world watched nervously as pop superstar and proud butt owner Miley Cyrus hosted Saturday Night Live over the weekend. But did she do a good job at the skits? Did she do a twerk? Did she go too far? Let’s see what the Internet had to say.

New York Daily News commenter Roy Munson was effusive, writing:

“She had a midget play guitar with her on one of her songs”

You can’t say that she didn’t, because she did. Meanwhile, over at the Huffington Post, commenter Person Who Knows proved that sometimes a username can backfire and burn your face off, writing:

“I quit watching SNL after Mike Meyers, Chris Farley, and those people were on it.”

Hear that, Miley? If you really want to win some new fans, get Mike Meyers and Chris Farley to help you out next time you host SNL.

Vladimir Putin vs. The Olympic Flame
Russian President and anti-shirt activist Vladimir Putin was left red-faced when the Olympic flame he lit in Moscow on Sunday went out and had to be re-lit by a security guard with a cigarette lighter. What does it all mean? Writing in Britain’s Daily Mail, superchuke wrote:

“What a stupid looking torch.”

Well, thanks, Mr. Negative—looks like you could use some Olympic spirit! Meanwhile, CBC commenter Lord nibbler had this to say:

“Vladimir is a flamer.”

Now, that’s just mean. It’s not Putin’s fault the flame went out. And besides, he’s virulently homophobic.

Fake Man Dies
Breaking Bad may have ended, but that didn’t stop the show’s fans from having a little bit of silly fun. A couple of enterprising BB fans placed an obituary for Walter White in an Albuquerque newspaper. Harmless, right? Not to CBC reader Cris 13:

“YOU IDIOTS! You couldn't have put spoiler alert beside the headline? I've managed to evade anything to do with the end season this far and it took you 2 seconds to blow it for me? I was scrolling through stories and it just stopped me in my tracks; I knew by just reading the descriptor of the story. SHAME, SHAME on you!”

I felt exactly the same way when the CBC went a blabbin’ about the series finale of Little Mosque before I had a chance to see it for myself. I was so upset, I went on a month-long hard lemonade rampage and nearly passed away. I’m fine now (it’s been two years since I touched a drop of hard lemonade, thank you!), but I’d be finer if the CBC considered viewers’ feelings.

An Airplane Boy
Despite heavy airport security, a nine-year-old Minneapolis boy somehow managed to board a flight to Las Vegas without a boarding pass or a passport. This story is both funny and alarming and provoked this take-no-prisoners response from Daily Mail reader Nova Scotia Guy, who wrote:

“he appears to have known what he was doing therefore showing intent; charge him.”

Meanwhile, Yahoo News reader Wellstone99 blamed the incident on a certain someone who lives in the White House:

“How's Obama's government working out?”

Exactly. Why wasn’t Obama at the Minneapolis airport checking passenger’s documents? Oh that’s right, the President thinks he’s too good to work at the airport. Makes you sick just thinking about it.

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A Canadian Comedy Award winner, Michael Balazo has over a decade of stand up and sketch comedy experience. TV writing credits include This Hour Has 22 Minutes (CBC/DHX Media), Scare Tactics (Syfy), Hot Snack Radio (Showcase), and popcultured (Comedy Network). Michael is a regular on-air contributor to Day 6 (CBC Radio/PRI) and has written sketches for BBC Radio 4's Recorded For Training Purposes. His blog Toronto Sun Cover Reviews was so popular that it inspired a cease and desist letter.