Sad Scenes for Children, Double Cheeseburgers, and On Being R. Kelly

By Hazlitt

In space, no one can hear you invade Crimea.

“A wound or a cut within nature itself.” See Swedish artist Jonas Dahlberg’s proposed memorial to honour the victims of the worst mass shooting in modern history.

Denis Johnson’s mass-culture weakness of choice? “I love McDonald’s double cheeseburgers and I don’t care if they’re made of pink slime and ammonia, I eat them all the time because they’re delicious.” Authors, they’re just like us! (Also, hey, new Denis Johnson novel this year.)

A New York Times op-ed laments the death of the alt-weekly, which hits especially hard in a city like Baltimore, where “between 20 and 40 percent of the population doesn’t have regular Internet access.”

Here are all the saddest scenes in children’s movies ranked by how sad they are. Who knew there was this much suicide? And how did Charlotte’s Web rank so low?

There is truly nothing scarier than Oprah calling you out on your bullshit and here she is, doing just that to Lindsay Lohan.

Vulture is hosting Reality Rumble to decide which reality show reigns over the rest. The Real World: SF vs. Project Greenlight is in round 1, but just wait until they get into season 13 of The Bachelor and season 1 of Flavor of Love.

“He’s an unrepentantly sex-obsessed black man with prior convictions for violence, a guy who married a 15-year-old girl and made perhaps the most bat-shit crazy TV show ever.” Flavorwire wonders how R. Kelly gets away with being R. Kelly.

At his delightful new Internet concern, Greenfriar, Ken Layne reviews every type of walking stick—all three of them.

Stop this.

Tablet makes the case that RT anchor Abby Martin’s highly unexpected denunciation of Russia’s actions in Ukraine’s Crimea region was little more than “a good old-fashioned false flag.”