God’s Resignation Letter—the Response

Michael Murray currently lives and works in Toronto. He has an extensive wardrobe and is a...

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Immediately following the resignation of Benedict XVI as Pope, God dropped a bomb by manifesting and then announcing at a press conference that he was stepping down as Supreme Ruler of the Universe. It is perhaps the biggest news story of the year so far, sending the Twittersphere and message boards across the world aflame.

One message board, Godisgreat.com, was particularly active.

Ella066: Very upset by this news. Jesus suffered like crazy on the cross, because of something God MADE him do, and did he quit? NO!! There’s not an ounce of quit in Jesus, and if he didn’t give up why does his dad just get to quit??? It’s not fair!

Piousxx: Never really understood God’s sacrifice of his son, always thought it was a bad move. Kind of douchey, IMHO.

Ella066: My father was an alcoholic and God is showing EXACTLY the same traits. God gets all ragey and wipes out the Earth in a flood or something, and then comes back and tells us that he loves us and we’re his children, and then, when it’s convenient, he just takes off. It’s infuriating. I really think he could use some therapy.

Slash: Why did he quit, was it because he messed up the Pope appointment?

LambofC: I don’t think he can handle climate change. He screwed up there, and it’s just become too much for him. He’s old now and I heard he has a blood disorder that tires him out very easily.

Piousxx: I think he’s scared of the Higgs Boson particle. He didn’t think of that when he “created” the universe.

Donna80: Did anyone see the last episode of Girls? It was weird! Can’t wait for next season of Game of Thrones!!

God: Let the chatter be silent, lest I smite you!!!

JayRax221: Attract women in instants! Pheromones invisible odorless inhaled by adult women unlocks all restraints then release animal sex drive in her! Androstenone concentrate from only $19.95! Wild sex for life! To find out more visit website: http//

Colin66: Anybody think it’s a coincidence that God retires and then we get hit by a big asteroid? If God were working that wouldn’t have happened. What a dick.

God: My children, you try My patience, one more word and the Earth and all the creatures upon it shall be scorched!!! Hear Me!!

Colin66: Hey, somebody just turned my avatar into a pillar of salt! What up? Give me my GIF of Kate Upton back!

ADMIN: God, please read the forum rules, threats and bullying are STRICTLY FORBIDDEN.

The Beast: God is having a temper tantrum.

God: Lucifer? You dare to show up here!?

The Beast: Infantem cupit utrem.

God: אני ארסק את פניך בלוציפר, זכור את דבריי!

Allan89: Actually, I thought that God’s press conference was pretty cool. Showing up as a burning bush was dope.

God: Thank you, Allan89.

Ella066: I thought the burning bush bit was WAY over the top, very show-offy. I would have liked it if Cirque du Soleil produced the whole thing. They’re a class outfit.

Beth2: God, are ghosts real?

Beth2: And how can we have free will, but still have pre-ordained lives? I don’t get that.

The Beast: Your children hate you because you have abandoned them and turned them over to me!

ADMIN: God, last warning, if you delete one more post from this forum that was written by somebody else you are banned. Period. There is only one Webmaster here and it’s me, understand?

Ella066: Also, I thought the burning bush thing was disrespectful to fire fighters. They put their lives on the line everyday and are REAL LIFE heroes, not some invisible hero who just quits whenever he wants!

Walterwhite: God, do you know how many more seasons there will be of Breaking Bad?

God: It is written that there will be two more seasons.

Enoch83: Why did you never take a wife?

God: Enoch83, this question displeases Me! Why dost thou always turn on the faucet when you move your bowels?! Why dost thou wear jeans that are designed for ladies? Answer Me, I command thee!!

Enoch83: Hey, it’s part of YOUR divine plan, not mine, get off my back!!

ADMIN: Easy God, easy. You’re on thin ice here.

Fran13: Bi-polar!

Ella066: Big time issues! Very sensitive!!

Beth2: On a different topic, what’s Jesus up to these days?

God: This question saddens me. Jesus and I haven’t been speaking ever since the cross incident. : (

Beth2: Aww, I’m sorry. Hugzzz!!


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