This morning, suspended Canadian senator Patrick Brazeau tweeted, “My CV:Senator of Canada,Nat't Chief of CAP, Canadian Armed Forces, many other Honourable jobs. I'm 4 hire b/c Harper suspended me! #cdnpoli” If he’s looking for work, we’ve compiled a list of jobs that he might be qualified for as an experienced member of the most useless component of Canada’s government.
1. Cheekbones model.
2. Coupon blogger.
3. Cape-wearer.
4. The gym teacher you hate.
5. Amateur boxer.
6. Professional victim.
7. “Social media expert.”
8. Medieval Times knight who dies first.
9. Protein powder spokesperson.
10. Count.
11. Loophole-finder.
12. Grunting bro.
13. Ghost of Christmas Past.
14. PR flack for Motorboating for Breast Cancer.
15. Girl who ends every sentence with an upward inflection?
16. Old-timey villain tying you to the train tracks.
17. Someone who makes you uncomfortable, just, generally.
18. The guy who hands you mints in a nightclub bathroom.
19. Worldwide tourist attraction (World’s Biggest Fucking Baby).
20. Inmate torture device.
21. Small claims court judge.
22. Single male eating Cinnabon at the mall.
23. Rob Ford’s driver.
24. Mouth-fart.
25. Prime Minister.
26. Telus customer who disputes charges for hours over the phone.
27. Dirtbag kid throwing rocks at your car at 2:30 in the morning (where are his parents?).
28. Twitter bot.
29. Clinical trial participant.
30. Small-town mayor who thinks the woods are haunted.
31. Guy who makes eye contact for far too long.
32. Student of “life.”
33. The reason you’re not going into that bar.
34. Over-talkative coworker you try to avoid.
35. Trophy wife.
36. The friend you set up with people you hate.
37. Extra in a teenage paranormal romance film.
38. Pit of shame.
39. Hazlitt intern (work remotely).
40. Dope.
