Will You Follow Russell Brand Into Battle?

A Canadian Comedy Award winner, Michael Balazo has over a decade of stand up and sketch comedy...

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The Best Online Comments on the Stories That Matter, Selected and Annotated by Michael A. Balazo.

Russell Brand Predicts Revolution
Last week, in an interview that all of your friends posted on Facebook, British comedian Russell Brand declared he’d never voted, he hated capitalism, and that a revolution would soon sweep inequality away and leave a socialist egalitarian society in its wake. Heavy stuff! So, what did you think? Commenting on the Independent’s website, AGACHICKADEE wrote:

“Russell Brand for President!”

Absolutely! I mean, as long as it doesn’t ruin the chances of an Arthur sequel. Daily Mail reader Kandy1 got snarky, writing:

“Go on Russell! Set us all a good example - give your dosh to the poor.”

I believe “dosh” means “money” in British slang. At least, I hope it does. Otherwise, the poor are about to get covered in a thick, gooey layer of… dosh. Huffington Post reader Moira Kirstin Boyd took a more measured approach, commenting:

“He looks like I’d imagine Satan to look like”

Hmmm. You imagine Satan as a hyperactive English musketeer who owns a thesaurus? I always pictured him as more of a Drew Carey type, but to each her own! Fellow Huffington Post commenter Angus12 was downright disgusted, writing:

“Brand’s brain is burnt out. Anybody who freely films and admits to Jerking someone off in a public toilet and sees this as normal has a screw, no a bunch of screws loose.”

My God. And to think we almost elected this evil toilet jerker as president of the free world. He’s got more than a bunch of screws loose; I’d wager the guy’s a major league dingbat!

Gentlewomen Start Your Engines!
On Saturday, female activists in Saudi Arabia protested the kingdom’s ban on women drivers. Although not forbidden by any official law, it is considered taboo for women to get their motors running, head out on the highway, look for adventure and whatever comes their way. CBC reader steve478 supported the ladies, writing:

“Good sign - women are fighting for equality, and that’s good for Saudi Arabia.”

Agreed. Meanwhile, Al Jazeera commenter Wellen Dowd (say it quickly and see what happens!) wrote:

“Its about control, that is all. Controlling the women. We men have been trying to do it for years…only to find out it is our women who control us! lol.”

LOL! It’s like an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, except in this case, Raymond is Saudi Arabian King Abdullah and Deborah is deprived so many human rights it’s hilarious. Washington Post reader TigreNoir was nervous about the outcome of the protest, posting:

“Great for Saudi women! But can they see the road through that veil? How about identifying a hit-and-run driver? I am sure, however, that it will be safer there than driving on the road with Memphis, TN women.”

Sheesh, these Memphis women sound like they could use some driving lessons! Meanwhile, CNN commenter elainemckinney325 added her two cents, writing:

“My roomate’s mom makes $61 an hour on the computer. She has been out of work for five months but last month her income was $13493 just working on the computer for a few hours. site web w­o­r­k­s­77­.­c­o­m”

Hear that, women of Saudi Arabia? Rise up, shake off the chains of oppression and earn as much money as this person’s roommate’s mom!

Lou Reed RIP
Music fans around the world grieved the loss of Lou Reed on the weekend, paying tribute to an artist whose body of work profoundly changed the course of rock and roll and whose restless creative spirit made him nearly impossible to pin down. Posting on the Chicago Tribune’s site, Ann Emerson wrote:

“hope he got to walk on the wild side one last time…RIP LOU!!!!!”

Amen to that. Daily Mail reader JAHAN paid his respects by writing:

“He will always be remembered for ‘Take a walk on the wild side’”

Absolutely. Meanwhile, over at the Huffington Post, heisenberg88 posted:

“Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side”

That was definitely his biggest hit.

Julianne Hough’s Halloween
If you’re a white person, a good, solid ground rule is to never dress up in blackface. Ever. Even on Halloween. Celebrity Julianne Hough broke that rule on the weekend when she was photographed in blackface while dressed as the character Crazy Eyes from Orange Is The New Black. After people got angry at her for dressing up in blackface, Hough apologized for dressing up in blackface, because she obviously shouldn’t have dressed up in blackface. But not everyone understood what all the fuss was about. Huffington Post commenter John8433 wrote:

“What a load of Bull. She is a beautiful young and talented lady.”

And as such, she has free rein to do anything she wants, be it dressing up in blackface or speaking in a funny “chinaman” accent or even pinching a rabbi. We’re talking abouta babe here. Yahoo commenter A R was less interested in Hough’s celebrity status than in analyzing what constitutes blackface, posting:

“It would have only been ‘offensive’ if she had literally used black make up and perhaps made the lips comically huge. This is someone trying to look like an actual character and carefully using a similar tone of makeup.”

By using brown makeup instead of black makeup to dress up like a black woman, Julianne Hough carefully avoided being racist. And check out her lips. Do they look comical to you? No way; those lips are dead serious. And, finally, USA Today commenter Phil May cut through the nonsense by identifying the true source of racism in America, posting:

“So where was all this uproar when the Wayans brothers played white girls? Idiots”

Exactly. That movie scarred me for years. I, like millions of other white men, laughed so hard during White Chicks that I nearly had a stroke and also liver failure. And just when you thought the Wayans Brothers couldn’t possibly best themselves? They go and make Little Man. Talented family.

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