Turtles Need iPads And We Need More Groot

By Hazlitt

“Aren’t children born in the Canal Zone called Zonians? Yes. The Canal Zone has represented for some time the concept of unlimited possibility.” JG Ballard speaks with a teenage Richard Prince.

Turtles, you see, are lacking in many things. Such as iPads.

“This is the doll-lover’s frequent lament: Women are unpredictable and dolls are steadfast; women will leave you and dolls are loyal.” :|

What was the mysterious Google Barge? We’re not sure if even Google knew.

GROOT.

An explanation for why “red big barn” sounds weird but “big red barn” is just fine.

Have we analyzed Jay Z and Beyonce’s relationship enough? No. No, we have not.

There is no greater indignity than being All That’s worst writer. This is Neal Brennan’s legacy.

Canadian Conservatives insist on talking about Justin Trudeau in only the very bat-shittiest of terms. The National Post’s Jonathan Kay would prefer they stopped doing this. Jonathan Kay is a left-wing zealot who must be stopped at all costs.

There is a hurricane raging at Saturn’s north pole that could swallow four entire Earths and it is hard to overstate just how insignificant we are to this infinite and unforgiving universe.

Over at The Fiction Advocate, Leo Kepler provides a great and thorough look at some of the greatest Hungarian novelists of the 20th century.

“It’s hard to avoid the fact that [Ethan Hawke] becomes a better father in direct proportion to his rising uncoolness. He made me want to be an even worse hipster.” Rob Harvilla on Richard Linklater’s Boyhood.

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Monsters at the Door
Emily Carroll’s debut book, Through the Woods, is full of doomed characters who often feel deserving of the grisly…

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How Do I Talk To My Perpetually Stoned Friend?
Plus: gender-specific household items, the unexpected perils of cohabitation, and ending up as the other man.