Hurricane Journal

November 6, 2012

Michael Murray currently lives and works in Toronto. He has an extensive wardrobe and is a dominant and intimidating presence on the Bocce Ball field...

I took Y2K seriously.

That’s the sort of person I am. I’m a preparer. It’s my nature. In fact, I was so widely known for this quality that in high school I was known as Preparation H. It’s a true fact, that. And so as the idea of Hurricane Sandy was bearing down on the East Coast last week, I took steps to make sure that I was completely prepared. Many people thought I was an overreacting alarmist, but if I could take the teasing in high school, I could certainly take it now.

This is my Hurricane Sandy Journal from October, 29, 2012

Hurricane Sandy Journal
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Date: Monday, October 29, 2012

2:30 pm
The rain is steady and my sinuses are very congested. In spite of this, I went off to pick-up some supplies for the coming storm, purchasing Kleenex, wine, some Ritz crackers, kale, vitamin water and several scratch and win tickets. I forgot to get candles, a mistake that could prove costly.

4:00 pm
My cold is still bothering me. I had some hot water with fresh lemon (now out of lemon) but it did nothing to cut the phlegm. I should have bought a spare Neti Pot. I’m thinking a lot about my life right now, how lucky I’ve been to find love and happiness in this world and how horrible and unfair it would be to have a hurricane rip it from me. Rachelle, my wife, if you are to come home from work and find that the Hurricane has spun me into eternity, I want you to know that I loved you with everything I had and I cannot express how grateful I’ve been for you and your cooking in my life. We would have really done it Gangnam style for Halloween!

4:07 pm
I’ve been playing Angry Birds to relieve the storm anxiety. The red birds are useless. Where do birds go in hurricanes? If I was a bird I think I would try a garage, but sometimes it’s very hard to get into the head of a bird. My body temperature is 97.8.

5:00 pm
The wind is increasing and the garbage from the nearby Frat Houses skitters by my window as if reminders of my past. I wonder what university would have been like if I had a girlfriend or went to class? If I had been born Chinese?

Life is so precious, so very complex and then it’s gone.

Took half a pot brownie.

5:30 pm
Thankfully, I still have power and have been able to watch TV, take long, hot showers and compulsively check all my social media feeds to see what’s happening on the East Coast. It’s horrible and my heart goes out to all of the victims. I was particularly alarmed to see photos of sharks swimming through the streets of Manhattan. I hope that doesn’t happen in Toronto. Could there be a more evil combination than sharks and hurricanes? It’s no coincidence that hockey teams use those two scary things for their team names.

They want to intimidate you.

A branch just blew against our front window and my cold has not abated. My temperature has gone up to 98.2 and I think I might be developing a fever.

I have taken the other half of the pot brownie.

6:30 pm
I have spent the last hour trying to keep hydrated and watching TV from bed. I think I’m developing feelings for Lydia Callis, the sign language interpreter for New York City Mayor Bloomberg. It’s like she’s talking, but instead of using words she uses her hands and facial expressions! She’s mesmerizing! I would like to drink wine with her! I want her to be President! I want to be her first responder! In a different world, perhaps, we could have created a beautiful life together. But I like talking. I wonder if Lydia can speak??? I like people who can speak. Does that make me a racist? I would hate to die in a hurricane of a cold and be discovered a racist. Body temperature is now 99.1. The fever has set in. Out of Ritz crackers.

6:38 pm
I am now writing this journal by hand as the power in our apartment has gone off. All is darkness. Thankfully, I found the rye that was still in my desk drawer. I am trying to draw a picture of how I feel. I am doing this in the dark, because I feel dark and do not like the outside sounds.

6:59 pm
My wife just sent me a text message to say she has a hockey practice in Scarborough and won’t be home until 10:00. I am in love with Lydia.

7:18 pm
Getting nowhere in Angry Birds. Level 6 of the free version is VERY, VERY difficult. The birds mock me and time moves slowly. I want to make kale chips but there is no power.

7:42 pm
The power is back on.

8:05 pm
Feel really stoned and really drunk. I would like to have a hot bath but I don’t want to pass out and drown like Whitney Houston. Can’t believe OJ got off with that! Man alive, I don’t know whether I should be writing this by hand still, or if should switch back to computer? Oh Jesus, I don’t even know how I’m writing this! I am so stoned! HATE HURRICANES!!

Michael Murray currently lives and works in Toronto. He has an extensive wardrobe and is a dominant and intimidating presence on the Bocce Ball field. He won the New Yorker Cartoon Caption contest and dislikes Cuba. He works as a creative writer, copywriter, blogger and “journalist” and as he is modest, he feels awkward talking about his genius, which he recently found out does not translate into IQ tests. His work has appeared in the Toronto Standard, Slant Magazine, the Ottawa Citizen and