i have dreamt of you
a thousand times & still
it is never enough that
i can’t run backwards into the hazy before–
the paradox of raising oneself
begged for another chance
& here i find you:
child-like wonder, unhindered by the obscenity
of premature grief.
i have embraced your slight frame
every chance i get
& you smell of L’Oreal Kids
strawberry smoothie shampoo
comforted by the familiarity
of stolen girlhood.
i have carried you just as long
as you carried us, a family unforgiving
& far too young
to be changing baby diapers;
although you find yourself
mother & child entangled.
oh child,
i dream of us together
& no reality could
bear the responsibility of the both of us
together. instead i find myself
chasing this shifting star light miracle:
we exist still & you survive
it all in the end.
