The Sexiest Anthropomorphic Cartoon Animals in History

Chris Randle is a writer from Toronto who has written for The Globe and Mail, The...

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When the daughter of late manga godhead Osamu Tezuka announced last week that she’d managed to open his long-locked desk, the discoveries included ephemera (a half-eaten chocolate bar), critical writing (an essay about Akira creator Katsuhiro Otomo), and, perhaps most curiously, various sketches, several of which depicted a curvaceous mouse lady lounging seductively. This last detail delighted certain elements of the comics internet, although the stunned prurience of some reports was kind of silly: Tezuka might be best known for characters like Astro Boy, Japan’s Walt Disney and Jack Kirby combined, but his style and audiences changed over his career; the avuncular master also produced the lurid ’70s thriller MW.

If the funny-animals trope has been used throughout cartooning history to simplify, interpolate and transfigure, then lust defines the medium too, even when it was necessarily sublimated beyond the sleaziest outlets. And what would be a more suitable way to illustrate that than counting down the sexiest anthropomorphic characters in comics history?

10. Maybe you’re into rumpled French dads? What if that dad was Lewis Trondheim, as a duck, recording his flustered reactions to the baffling inanities of modern life?

9. I know a lot of people who would fuck Elliott Gould circa 1973 and I feel like Fritz the Cat has a similar appeal. Certainly moreso than Robert Crumb does, at least.

8. “In 1976, Reed Waller founded Vootie, a fanzine intended to promote funny animal comics. He began developing the concept for ‘Omaha’ the Cat Dancer after one of the magazine’s contributors said that there was not enough sex in the genre … He visited local strip clubs in St. Paul with his sketchbook, and read newspaper articles about attempts to shut the bars down.” And that pro-sex-worker furry porn would come to be nominated for multiple Eisner Awards.

7. We already spoke of Osamu Tezuka’s fluidly rendered mouse cleavage, but as a side note, he also seems to have essayed a rare sexy cartoon snake.

6. Master Splinter kind of has this AA Bronson thing going on, like he used to be the creative director at Jil Sander but then dedicated himself to exploring Zen meditation and massage as ritual.

5. Emily Carroll can make reptiles look sensual even in death, as her comic “Grave of the Lizard Queen” shows.

4. Before the era of obsessively sanitized Disney licensed products, Floyd Gottfredson drew a 1931 Mickey Mouse strip where this hulking cat turns out to be lispingly, stereotypically fey. Being a period-accurate bigot, Mickey attacks him in the next panel, but it’s 2014, anybody still disdaining femme boys, feline or otherwise, needs to get with the spirit of the aeon.

3. So Hazlitt contributor Lisa Hanawalt did this story for the second issue of erotic-comics anthology Thickness, and it’s a teacher/student fantasy, except the horny professor is a bird and his lust object has a featureless worm head, and there are also worms writhing from her tank top, and…

2. Magica De Spell: stylishly amoral, powerful witch, cackles at the social order, probably wants to domme Scrooge McDuck.

1. If comics has a single emblematic Everyman, it must be Krazy Kat—not an Everyman at all but a genderqueer feline, forever seeking affection from Ignatz the Mouse only to receive bricks flung at their head. Is that sexy? Certainly it feels redolent of love.

Images via: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 


Seeing People Praised Makes Us Envy and Hate Them
Read through enough social studies experiments and your view of humanity inevitably grows more jaundiced. We all know our species has its foibles and shortcomings, but modern researchers have found ways to tease apart each shameful emotion—honing in on the specific biological mechanisms that make us jerks, cataloguing and quantifying our base nature. A tumor is awful from a distance, as a generality. Zoom in closer, perform a few studies, and you confront the cells in all their uniquely horrific, malignant glory. Take flattery. Academics define it as “lavish praise that is offered in an ingratiation setting”—a nice compliment when the person giving it may have something to gain. A closer look, though, reveals that a complex series of emotions, most of them unsightly, bubble to the surface whenever someone says a kind word about another human being.


Moveable Parts
He worries that his wife has her mother’s hypochondria. She worries that she has her mother’s rheumatoid arthritis. They worry that her father has his father’s sclerotic arteries. She worries that her husband has his great uncle’s spleen. They worry that his sister has her cousin’s impetigo. He worries that his son has his wife’s fibromyalgia. They worry that her mother has her aunt in Toledo’s chronic fatigue. She worries that her niece has her sister’s bad dreams. He worries that his son has his in-law’s tourettes. She worries about that too. She worries that her nephew has his drag-racing great-uncle’s oversized glands. She worries that her cousin has her step-father’s cold hands. He worries that his daughter has her Mennonite grandfather’s resistance to the pertussis vaccine. They worry that her chain-smoking aunt has her unmarried brother’s ex- girlfriend’s fiancé’s TB . She worries that her husband’s best friend’s older brother’s young son has his uncle’s predilection for cheap lingerie. He worries that his roommate from college has his father’s weak grasp of empirical facts.