Other Must-Have Items From the Rob Ford Collection

Chris Randle is a writer from Toronto who has written for The Globe and Mail, The...

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Yesterday afternoon Rob Ford, who surreally remains the mayor of Toronto, handed out bobbleheads of himself to dozens of supporters/reporters/ironists, but this is only the beginning of his new merchandise line. Just in time for the holidays, here are some other items soon to be available from the Rob Ford Collection:

- Tom Ford cologne with “Rob” scrawled onto it in Sharpie

- Twitter account parodying municipal politics, customized to your unique personal brand

- Sandro Lisi’s very own Intimidation Wand

- Amusing but ultimately strange and depressing novelty track in which the mayor mumbles coke-rap boasts over an old DJ Premier beat (also available on 180 gram vinyl with gatefold insert)

- Replica of chief magistrate’s ceremonial chain, accompanied by scent of burning plastic

- Abandoned “Cut the Waist Challenge” scale, reassembled into Louise Bourgeois tribute by a local feminist art collective

- Signed 8 x 10 glossies of a less rich and pale person whose violent death the mayor may or may not share responsibility for

- Commemorative DVD of Diane Ford’s CP24 interview, featuring audio commentary by John Waters

- Randy Ford. Like, you can just take him

- Faint yet ultimately fleeting sense of political optimism

- Cronenberg-like device that allows you to enter, and in time become sexually transfigured by, the notorious “crack video”

- Rocket-launcher-wielding penguin

- Board game that plays pretty much like Life except with all the other family members alternately enabling and abusing you

Everything is Fine, by Chester Brown

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I can’t bring myself to type Rob Ford’s remarks from this morning, and unlike @HulkMayor, I am only now getting to the stage where I deal with my shame and anger and embarrassment with glib links . No caps lock yet, instead I’ll just leave this probably NSFW , unless you have headphones on, song right here . It occurs to me that Mayor Ford himself is pretty NSFW .


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