Because the world is occasionally a beautiful place, 2 Chainz included a 28-page cookbook with his new album, B.O.A.T.S. 2 #Metime, which was released earlier this week. While the cookbook in its current form presents recipes for favorites such as shrimp scampi and garlic mashed potatoes, the original version was less focused on tour-bus cuisine and offered more in the way of guerrilla warfare tactics than your average foodie may expect. Here, a deleted entry from the unedited manuscript.
YOU’RE IN A RIOT AND OVERTHROWING THE CAPITALIST ORDER THROUGH REVOLUTIONARY VIOLENCE. 2 CHAINZ HAS BEEN THERE, AND NOW HE’S DIPPING INTO HIS UNDERGROUND CELL TO HOOK YOU UP WITH THE WEAPONRY YOU’LL NEED FOR YOUR MUTINY AGAINST THE WAY THINGS ARE.
KEEP IN MIND THAT EACH RECIPE CAN BE ADAPTED TO LOCAL URBAN CONDITIONS. SOME PEOPLE MIGHT WANT TO PLACE THEIR IMPROVISED EXPLOSIVES IN AN ESPRESSO MAKER LIKE THE RED BRIGADES AND THAT’S FINE. VERSACE, ARMANI, NEGRI … 2 CHAINZ RESPECTS ITALIAN COMRADES. ALSO KEEP IN MIND THAT THESE RECIPES ARE INTENDED TO BE HURLED TOWARDS A POLICE BUS AT 70 MPH, SO MEASUREMENTS MAY BE NECESSARILY INEXACT.
MEANWHILE, BE SURE TO WORK COLLECTIVELY AS YOU PREPARE THE DEVICES SO AS TO AVOID PROVIDING EVIDENCE TO FASCIST INFORMERS, AND FELLOW RADICALS CAN ABSORB INSURRECTIONARY PRAXIS. AND WHILE BUTTER IS ALWAYS PREFERABLE TO SUBSTITUTES, MIXING IN OLIVE OIL CAN WORK, AS IT’S HEALTHIER—BUT DON’T LET STATE BIOPOWER DETERMINE YOUR DIETARY CHOICES. IN THE WORLD TO COME, WE’LL BUTTER WHAT WE WANT.
2 CHAINZ DOESN’T WRITE DOWN HIS MUSIC, IT FLOWS DIALECTICALLY FROM MARXIST THEORY. FOLLOW 2 CHAINZ, AND FEEL LIBERATED TO FREESTYLE YOUR UPRISING UNTIL YOU AND WHOEVER’S FIGHTING ALONGSIDE YOU ENJOYS AUTONOMY.
FINALLY, REMEMBER: EMBRACE MULTITUDE, AND ALWAYS HANDLE FLAMMABLE SUBSTANCES WITHIN YOUR COMFORT ZONE.
White phosphorus (optional)
• Put on your Chanel ski mask and Valera motorcycle jacket.
• Sip whatever’s in the bottle while you watch Orange is the New Black on Netflix. 2 Chainz always recommends Patron, rosé will be easier to throw, just make sure it’s “me time.” A revolution may not be a dinner party, but the vibe is still important.
• Pour the gas and tar into a bowl.
• Turn the lights down and put on Teddy Pendergrass, because it’s time for them to get together.
• Soak an appropriate rag (such as that Thom Browne F/W ’11 tie you don’t really wear anymore) in alcohol and tie it around the neck of the bottle like a bandana on a labrador.
• Pour your nasty mixture in there and cork it while blasting “Feds Watching” loud enough that your neighbour knocks on the door and asks how late the party will be going.